Hat Wearing Bylaws
Thanks to Joel Bennett for the difficult work in putting this together. :)
SECTION IV HAT WEARING PROTOCOL
A. ALL MEMBERS MUST WEAR HATS AT MANYHATS FUNCTIONS.
B. HATS OF ANY TYPE, VARIETY, SHAPE, AND SIZE ARE ACCEPTABLE. BANDANAS TIED INTO A “DOO RAG”, WHILE ACCEPTABLE, ARE CLEARLY A LAZY PERSON’S ALTERNATIVE AND WILL SPURN REPROACH AND STERN LOOKS.
C. WEARING HATS MEANT FOR THE OPPOSITE SEX, ALTHOUGH FUNNY IN A “BENNY HILL” SORT OF WAY, IS NOT RECOMMENDED DUE TO THE CONFUSION/DISTRACTION IT CREATES FOR MANYHATS CO-WORKERS.
D. THOSE MEMBERS NOT WEARING HATS WILL BE UNMERCIFULLY HECKLED, HARRASSED, AND ARE AT RISK OF RECEVING SERIOUS EMOTIONAL SCARRING.
E. DEMERITS WILL BE ISSUED TO THOSE WHO DO NOT REPENT OF THEIR SINS AFTER THE AFOREMENTIONED HECKLING IN SECTION IV, PART B. FOR INFORMATION ON THE ISSUANCE OF DEMERITS, SEE SECTION VII, DEMERIT PRACTICES AND PROTOCOL.
F. AMMENDMENT 1.4.A.78.4439-A.
a. MIKE KLEIS CALLED “INVISIBLE HAT” PRIOR TO THESE RULES GOING INTO AFFECT. ALTHOUGH THIS IS ALLOWED, IT IS TROUBLESOME FOR THE FOLLOWING REASONS:
i. NO ONE IS QUITE SURE IF MIKE IS TRULY WEARING AN INVISIBLE HAT, OR WHETHER HE IS JUST PLAYING AN AWEFUL PRANK ON US. ALL ATTEMPTS TO VERIFY OR REFUTE THE EXISTANCE OF SAID INVISIBLE HAT HAS BEEN UNSUCCESSFUL. THIS LEAVES MANYHATS IN A QUANDRY, A QUAGMIRE, AND ANOTHER Q WORD THAT HAS ESCAPED THE SCRIBE OF THESE ARTICLES.
ii. IT’S POSSIBLE MIKE IS PHYSICALLY UNABLE TO WEAR A HAT DUE TO THE PERFECT NATURE OF HIS NATURAL HAIR. FOR THIS REASON, MIKE MAY HAVE A CLAIM TO AN ACCOMODATION UNDER THE AMERICAN DISABILITY ACT.
iii. WITH THE AFOREMENTIONED IN MIND, IT IS ALSO QUITE OBVIOUS THAT MIKE WOULD LOOK VERY STRIKING IN A FEDORA, AN IRISH FLOPPER, OR A GOLF VISOR. IF HE EVER CHOOSES TO EMBRACE A HAT AS HIS FIREND AND SOULMATE, HE SHOULD BEGIN WITH THESE OPTIONS.
